sorelatable:

hate when i lose something and my parents says “well i guess u didnt care about it enough” like you’ve lost me in a grocery store before 

shaxaphone:

cute things to call your girlfriend:

1. sugar 
2. honey 
3. flour 
4. egg 
5. 1/2lb butter 
6. stir 
7. pour into pan 
8. preheat to 375°

Yesterday I was eating a banana and it was black and yellow with fruit flies included. Long story short, I accidentally snorted a fruit fly and now have a constant cold like your brother.

whoever submitted this ok this is incredible omg i’m sorry about your cold friend but like this is hilarious

evaot:

when ur tryin to tell a story but people talk over you

image

i just bought a dress?? an actual dress. me. i bought a dress

the-yiffmeister:

I don’t know what sparked me to draw this 

cokeflow:

shout out to people who help me with really simple things because I’m an idiot

joshhutchercat:

joshhutchercat:

pumpedup-kicksss:

joshhutchercat:

what did the tractor say to the other tractor

Wanna fuck

what

he said “i’m atTRACTORed to u” not that it matters anymore

holysheerios:

Don’t feel bad if you’re single because it just means you’re the best in the album